It goes without saying that I've been in a period of transition. In November of 2010, I stood in the pulpit and shared with the congregation I founded in 2005, that I felt I had taken our church as far as I could. Our congregation, like many churches, had weathered through many challenges and tests. Some, through the years, were added, while others went on to other places as seasons would change, as they do. But I sensed, for some time, that this was not my church. Yes...I know it is not mine by ownership; but a release from it perhaps no longer being mine by stewardship. This was a total shock for me, and a blow to everything, little or much, I had spent more than 6 years...invested in. I saw the vision. I felt the vision. I had a fire emblazoned within for that vision. Nothing and no one could or would deter me....until, I saw my reality completely disconnected from the vision God had given me. Quite natually, this process seems normal. We all have seasons where we don't see what we envisioned. And I did, for years, liken the many red flags to "spiritual warfare". Several years ago, for the 2nd time in my ministry life, and first as a pastor, I entertained the prospect of going to pastor a nearby congregation, who had been searching for a pastor. I was a little hesitant, knowing that congregation had voted out their pastor. While being a more prominent church in Houston, it didn't help that the church was less than 15 miles from where our congregation worshipped. I was one of two candidates presented to this church for consideration of the pastorate. My internal plan was to possibly merge my congregation there, which would have worked well when considering music and ministry styles, etc. All seemed well, interview went GREAT, the committee seemed to love me, and I was more confident than usual, though prayerful, not overly confident. But something happened that, I believe, bruised me personally and also made me somewhat resentful to myself more than others. As I walked out into the sanctuary...I saw many people present from the congregation I pastored. Apparently, someone close to me had spread to others in our church where I would be preaching, and why. That, with also the visibility of this church, naturally drew my curious parishioners. As I saw that, in that very moment....my spirit sank. It was as if i had no further drive to pursue this vineyard, especially staring into the faces of some of the people i had pastored for, at that time, 4 years, including the person i knew shared where i would be. I should've just preached my heart out. While I did preach the Word, I look now at that DVD, and am certain it was not even close to my best. I'm still realizing the scars that experience left me with. But what I do know, in hindsight, is that was where my credibility was called into question. Things, for me, were never the same again. Until this day, I still don't understand the logic of the person who even shared that trusted information. But that, along with many experiences, taught me many invaluable lessons regarding life, people, and our people. After that, the other congregations voted to call the other candidate. That was September 2008. Things were not the same for myself or the congregation, after that. I made a decision, at that point, I would remain faithful where God had planted me; not pursue anything that God did not tell me to and, third, to go home and give my very best.
For the next two years, that is exactly what I did. I gave my all, implemented a few changes, and began to evaluate where we were in moving forward, including a better facility, with classroom space and technologically savvy, along with more freedom for facility use. Personally, I accelerated my educational pursuits, obtaining my MDiv from Southwestern in May of 2009. I felt if I had to start all over again, I would be bi-vocational, which led me to Chaplain Residency, which began in September 2009. Little did I know, or anticipate, the toll this would take, nor the growth and maturity this would require of my already fledgling congregation. I began to see that, as I moved over, many were not stepping up. Those that were stepping up, the ones who weren't stepping up resented those that were. Immediately, I began to hone in on my gift of Christian Education to try and grow our people to all were as teams, and to all work in the area of evangelism and outreach. I expected some to step up more, but they didn't, and I was busy trying to jeep up at the hospital. Eventually, a few left as a result of my growing commitment to the hospital. It would be impossible for any member I pastor to call and I not be there. That was guaranteed. But....I think they may have sensed my busy-ness, ESPECiALLY the young adults. That is, in fact, the only demographic I've discovered, who must have that connection with their pastor. Don't know if this is because I'm a young adult and they see more in me; but from my readings and research, I gather it has much to do with a generational things my generation needs to have with their leader. All in all....I sometimes winder if I should have just 'sucked it up' after a long day, and met a different person, each day, at Starbucks. But if I did that I'd drive myself crazy. I would later discover that I'm actually a very good pastor who loves people. Something I suppose I knew all along. After all, I've only been under great pastors, so I got something by osmosis!
At every stage and phase, I saw a different dynamic at work. I have gone through my own changes, and so had the congregation. Somewhere along, I sensed a change taking place between us.
Back to November 2010....I preached the first Sunday of that month entitled 'When God says No', referring to God's informing to David that he would not build the temple. I simply said, without saying I heard an audible voice from God (I'm afraid to do that), I had taken the church as far as I could. I had it all figured out...even had in mind who would succeed me. Little did I know....my life and ministry would become more difficult than ever.
In just one Sunday....
I was viewed (not by all people, don't get me wrong)
....as a quitter
....as opportunistic
....as discouraged by the numbers
.....as disappointed in our people
I felt that I had searched and personally settled all of these issues, deducting them as not me...even before mounting the pulpit that Sunday morning. What happened next, is when things probably became a little more complicated.
Stay tuned for part two of 'Whats been going on in my world"...
