Saturday, November 21, 2009

Blog Number 200

According to my numbers, this is my 200th blog! I have been silent a lot recently due to self-reflection and assesment, my own current challenges and, most of all...what I would like to disclose in this blog. I am currently preparing for our Thanksgiving Worship Service on tomorrow. I am still in the midst of my study. My heart has been heavy, trying to articulate my own struggles; and decided to visit my big brother, Pastor Tony Rhone's, blog. He is always a constant in my life and a volume yet to be read by so many. His blog blessed and touched me so profoundly that it quickened and freed something within me in my own life. I can literally see myself in every single line. Therefore, I wanted to post his blog, giving him complete credit. His blog address is
Are we there yet? Are we there yet? When we will get there? These are the troubling questions of unseasoned travelers who long to get to the appointed destination without enjoying the view along the way. And such is the experience of the new pastor, so I am learning.

Pastoring is not an easy job! If done right I believe it empties one of self and leaves him in a postion where he cannot operate effectively on any strength of his own. Let me say atleast that has been my experience.

Upon arrival at my current assignment I was most assured that I was prepared and equipped for the road ahead. I knew within a few short months of this new journey that we as a people would arrive at destinations unbefore seen. And so with the earger energy of a beaver I got after it, digging and chugging along giving it all I had. I just knew that my growing biblical acumen and serious comittment were enough to transform the life of the people and the church.

After almost 4 years of that kind of foolishness, I am still asking the question, "Are we there yet?". Boy what juvenile ignorance! It feels like and looks like from my perspective that the car is still in the driveway. I need patience.
I have learned that Pastoring is not for the faint of heart. You can literally die because of ministerial setbacks. I have experienced this a lot this year. It seems like I have lost more than I have gained. My heart has been broken by people I thought were really with the program only to discover they had hidden motives and agendas. This has been the lonliest year of my ministry as I have suffered in silence while pretending that everything was okay. Man this is tough stuff. I find myself wanting to cry but the tears just will not flow. "Are we there yet?" I want to get out, I am just about tired of the ride. No one really knows how I feel and to try express this to someone is really an exercise in futility because I still have to go right back to my pulpit next Sunday wanting to be further down the road only to discover we haven't made much progress.
Lest I seem ungrateful, I thank God for this experienc. I have learned to thank God for the slow but steady progress. I thank God for the heartaches caused by others because these experiences remind me that God really does use weak people.

So thank you Lord for your Sovereign arrangement of circumstances at Galilee. Thank you that you keep reminding me that it must be none of me and all of you.

Are we there yet? I don't know and I pray that I wont be preoccupied with the nagging question. May the Lord grant me the wisdom and patience to just enjoy the ride.

Thank you Lord, Thank you!