Permit me to take just a moment to re-introduce myself. My name is Kraig Lowell Pullam, out of the Houston metropolis area.
Why have I been away for about 20 days? I REALLY do not know, let me just explore maybe a few reasons why.
First, I must say that I have been out of the loop. I don't know where time goes--but it goes!!! Also must admit that I was doing very well in the blog world at one point--blogging almost every day.
I think with the mixture of traveling a bit on preaching assignments, growing little ones, spending time with my wife and ALL of the other things that go along with being a husband, provider and Pastor...time just goes. However, what I love about the blog is that it is an outlet, or it has been for me.
I must confess that maybe another one of the reasons I have not blogged is because it came to my attention that a few of our members frequent my blog; and if you have ever read any of my previous blogs, I can be very transparent and-if you are very analytical and don't really know me-you will presume I am a very frustrated and discouraged young pastor. I would never want to come across as frustrated or discouraged--though these can often come along with Pastoral ministry and shouldering the weight of an entire congregation, large or small. I have often felt in blogging similar to that of preaching--if I can't be speak truth, then maybe I shouldn't speak! What I have learned since not blogging is that if I am NOT honest, transparent and truthful--it negatively affects and impacts me. I feel that a blog should be an outlet, a voice and a cadence.
I do not know if this has been my reason for my 20-day absence. But this coupled with just busyness and demands--would probably sum it all up.
Addittionally (and as I write I KNOW this is the MAJOR reason)--I found myself concentrating on 'buildings' this year (2008) and trying to secure a place for our church. We are a 3 year old church now; and I have sensed that the pressure is on. I found myself in the trap of my life--concentrating so much on buildings that I neglected personal study, private devotion, and simply pastoring God's people and doing ministry. At other times, I WAS pastoring God's people and being what some would term as a 'good pastor' by calling, doing visitation, attending family members' funerals, counseling, baby dedications, etc. - but I was somehow neglecting my time with God. I have confessed my sins (I personally feel that neglecting God is a sin, didn't have an illicit relationship-just for the record!, etc) of neglecting Him and not trusting Him enough and I am getting back to the FIRST gift He has given me--PREACHING.
I am 'learning' many lessons and also coming face to face with some harsh realities. Interestingly--I used to frown at people and preach against the notion of people who would say, 'Let Go and Let God'. I thought it was a shallow notion, an untruth, biblically unfounded--and somehow chided against US doing OUR part; as if it encouraged us to put everything on autopilot, so to speak. Of course I know now that I could not have been further from the truth--the two ideas are mutually exclusive. The Lord has now taught me, this is what must happen in order for me to return to the 'simple days' when all that consumed by time, energy, thoughts and passions was to mount any pulpit and 'preach' as if I only had one more chance. This can seem difficult with loud kids, a wife who adores me and needs her time, and pastoring a small, fledgling congregation where the Pastor does virtually everything--it is easy to get off course. In fact, the past few months have taught me that I am, in turn, hurting them if I DON'T concentrate on my preaching gifts; and more on buildings that we're not strong enough to support right now. But by the grace and forgiveness of Almighty God--I WILL do better.
6 comments:
I don't know what to say other than I was completely captivated by your honest disclosure. I am proud that as a man of God you have taken the time to stop, re-evaluate, listen and come into a renewed sense of spiritual priorities. I think all Men of God should do this from time to time. There is a great burden in preaching the Word the way God intends for "you" to preach. But as I have heard your Father say over and over again, there's Ecstasy as well. You will only be satisfied with fulfilling your calling by doing it to it's fullest potential which is in the complete will of God.
You are as busy as most Pastors. This is when God prepares and gives a great "helpmeet". Her sole purpose in the marriage (as Pastor's Wife) is to help you meet your obligations to Pastor and preach the word. Which also offers time to study,time to meditate, minister, meet the needs of the church without outside or inside distraction.
You are a GREAT preacher. I am in awe many times just hearing you speak. I love to read your thoughts on paper/your blog. You are very gifted with words. I will be in constant prayer for you as always. I know God has a great work for you to do that he is constantly preparing you for. I love you very much.
vlpSongbird
Kraig, first of all let me congratulate you on your honesty, for it is true that if we cannot be totally honest within our blogs there is no point in blogging at all.
I am in the very place that you are in as well regarding the focus on buildings. One year ago this month, I engaged our 130 year old church, which I was pastor of for almost two years at the time, that our community no longer was conducive for church growth with our demographics and we needed to sell and relocate to a better community/city. Ever since that moment, I have been completely consumed with trying to secure a buyer, finishing the sale, locating a new building and all of the other issues that go along with relocation projects. And on top of that, dealing with people who agreed to sell but they really didn't want to sell because of emotional attachments.
What I discovered was that all of this made it very difficult to focus on the preaching and teaching aspects of the ministry and I also neglected my own personal devotion. But the Lord pressed my heart to remember, that Kingdom business is not about buildings but it is about the condition of the people that I have been called and sent to serve and grow.
I am excited for your revelation that you need to get back to what is most important in your ministry, the preaching of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Remember what the Master told the church of Ephesus in Revelation 2, to go back to their first love. Preaching is our first love, let's stay enouraged and committed to preaching messages of change and growth and encouragement that will bring about a new attitude and atmosphere within the Body of Christ.
Bless you my friend and welcome home to the blog world.
Lance
God bless you brother pastor. Honesty is always the way to go. I commend you on your honesty and on your sincere "self examination" and I must admit that as your father twice,I am proud of that. Honesty has always been a top priority with me in both my personal and minsiterial life and I have tried to instill this in all of my sons both in the flesh and in the gospel preachng ministry. You can rest assured that you are now ready to go to the next level that God has in store for you. And it is going to be and exciting journey.
I can totally relate to all that you were speaking of. Why? Because I have "been there and done that." I wish I could say only once in this twent-five plus years of preaching and pastoral ministry but that would not be honest.
It is amazing how easy we can get caught up in so many other things and neglect the "weigtier" matters.
Get caught up in buildings, get caught up in weekly newsletters, get caught up in doing bulletins, get caught up in keeping the website updated, etc., etc., etc.,
Our intentions are usually good and nobel and we feel that we are following the Lords direction. And, most of the time, what we are pursuing is in effect a good thing. But sometimes it is not the most important thing. Then before we know it, we are caught up and consumed and our preaching takes the back burner. We don't abandon it, no, we don't do that, it just beomes less of the top priority.
You are a sincere, gifted, articulate and blessed preacher/pastor. Your ministry has been built on your love for, serious study of and passion for the word of God. You were literally born with this passion and love for the word. Even as a very young child you were drawn to those books and to the word.
I am excited with you over the fact that you have concluded to return to the stuff that really matters. Many other things are importnat but as you related nothing is more important that our personal devotion and fellowship with God.
Again, I can relate. Been there and done that. And, man, it was so refreshing to return to the simplicity of, in a sense, just preaching. Of just letting go and letting God. And, as you indicated, this does not mean not preparing but it simply means that once we prepare we allow the Holy Spirit to take control. We, in a sense,(spiritually that is) let go and let God. He has some stuff he wants to say through us and we bascially need to get out of his way and "let" Him have His way. I used to hear the old preachers and some of the other old folks say when praying for the preacher "Lord catch him by the reins of his mind", now for a long time while growing up I did not really understand what they meant but I do now and it makes perfect sense. They were literally saying in their own feeble ways "Lord, you take over and use Him" "Lord cause him to move out of the way (let go) and let you (let God) take over.
Well, as I so often do, I have gone about the business of saying too much. I really get carried away when I start to writing but, son, I am proud of you and I rejoice with you. Through the foolishness of preaching, the Lord has a way of "getting things done." With all that Paul did, his number one priority and passion was "preaching Jesus." As he faced death, as he was locked in that dungeon his concern and instruction was to "don't forget to bring my parchements" in other words, bring my preaching stuff.
And as he faced Neros chopping block his concern was still preaching. He instruction to Timothy was to "preach the word." My, my, my! Out of all the stuff he could have said and talked about he delibertely chose to talk about, yes, you got it, preaching! Not buildings, not creature comforts, "preaching", "preaching", "preaching." And, the preacher of all preachers, indicated that he did not even have a place to "lay His head" but what He did do was, well you got it right again, "preach."
Well, enough for now. God bless you son and in the words of the late Dr. Pascal Sampson Wilkinson (which you have heard me say literally all of your preaching life) whatever you do "preach a little." I love you son.
By the tie of Calvary,
Pastor W.L. Pullam
It is great to see you back in blog world. I too appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Keep up the good work, my brother. Don't neglect your gift(s) OR your family.
Kraig man it is good to see you once again expressing yourself in such fluent terms and raw honesty. There is some catharsis in letting the emotions of the mind unravel through the expressions of the blog.
Being in a state of dependence upon the Lord for all that we desire to do for him is the best position we could ever be in while serving in our ministry. It actually is a blessing to both recognize our need of him and to know that He can and will provide that which we need. '
"Blessed Are the Poor in Spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."
"God's man doing God's work God's way will never lack God's provision."
Hudson Taylor
Be Encouraged My Brother and Keep preaching the Word!
I will call you when I get home. I am in Kentucky this week for the Congress.
Tony R.
All of you have shared some insightful advice, observations, and convictions. Wow--this dialogue and discourse has allowed me to appreciate blogging all the more. Please continue to shed insight from your wisdom and knowledge through this medium...it is helping me tremendously.
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