More than I care to admit, there is something in my ministry and life I've tried to avoid for a year or so now. For the most part, my reason for evading and avoiding the issue is the sense that if I 'acknowledge' it, I am 'affirming it', 'accepting' it and ultimately declaring what always will be. I have seen my acknowledging the fact as a final admittance that I am a failure in ministry. When I have spoken with ministerial colleagues, seminary counterparts, and even mentors in the faith--I covered up what I have seen as my present reality and what seemed to be my impending fate. The truth is--I Pastor a SMALL church.
As funny as it sounds, the truth is, I never really wanted to be a pastor. Those close to me can attest to this fact. Somehow...some way--I just FOUND myself with an inner desire to lead God's people. And when God (yes God) gave me the vision--the vision was great!!! Numbers were never a factor; though I did clearly envision numbers eventually being a given addition in time.
I NEVER, in all of my life, knew that pastoring was so tough! Some have proclaimed it to be easy. I was listening to a popular speaker on television whom I enjoy from time to time, Mike Freeman (Oh yes, cowardice is not a part of my disposition--I don't have a problem calling names) stated that, for him, pastoring was a breeze...easy...never had a problem. There was kind of an implication that if one is called to a work, genuinely called to a work, there should be no times when it is difficult, troublesome, etc. NOW--before I get in trouble--this was only my interpretation--I could be on point or extremely wrong regarding what he said. This was MY interpretation. Because I have met Freeman, fellowshipped with him and admire some of the things that he is doing there at his local church--I don't want it to seem as if I am mocking him or ridiculing him.
My point is--this hasn't been MY experience. When I look at our fledgling congregation--juxtaposed to our dynamic worship experiences, teachings, ministry staff, prayer and intercession, etc.--I wonder, at times, what the Lord is doing.
The truth is--it's not my plan. People have literally walked away without my knowing or understanding why. Leaders (regardless of what they say, think or even feel) get on some trip that I didn't even see coming a mile away. Even accusations that can NEVER and have NEVER been substantiated--are all frustrations I am sure many a pastor have encountered.
My point is this--I pastor a small church. The good news is--God is NOT small, God is big; His promises are for real; and He won't stop until He completes what He started (Philippians 1:6) That is my consolation.
I would tell you what I've learned--but I must admit, I'm still learning. One thing I am learning is that God is growing me. Another is how to discern and identify authenticity from those who have come with their own agenda. I have also learned that: YOU LEARN TO PASTOR BY PASTORING!!! Not from a book, pamphlet, being a layperson, being even an associate minister or a deacon. I was as close to being a Pastor from 2001 to 2005, preached every Sunday, led staff meetings, etc. I can say now--I STILL didn't have a clue about the pressure of such a call.
Believe it or not--there is nothing else I'd rather be doing than to be one of God's chosen servants, carry His word and lead his people. It may be years before we grow numerically or financially (though that is not what I am sensing--but let's go there), my prayer is that if we didn't grow in those areas, that we will grow in commitment, love, the word, sharing, and giving. If we do that anyway--the numeric and financial will take care of itself. (Now don't think that this implies our church is about to close down--financially and numerically our church is not the worst I have seen. Not by a long shot)
I'm enjoying this voyage...And I have discovered...starting small is a blessing! When HE grows HIS church when HE gets ready--after I have/we have done our parts--there can be no question of WHO grew our church and who sustained us before the HARVEST came!!! I can think of no greater testimony--and what a worship service THAT will be.
IN THE MEANTIME (While waiting and preparing for our anticipated numeric and financial growth)--one thing I have learned: GOD IS NOT AGAINST SMALL CHURCHES; HE IS AGAINST SMALL-MINDED CHURCHES. My prayer is that our church never becomes midget-MINDED when we serve such a GIANT GOD!
9 comments:
Pastor Pullam,
I believe that God has His hands on you and your ministry. I watch in anticipation as to what He will do in and through you! I pray that He will continue to give you the strength to endure.
Dee
Totally on point my brother. There is no greater feeling than to know that you are following as God has directed and that you are being used in His service. As frustrating as it can so often be,at the same time, there is noting better than to lead the people of God. As one seasoned preacher/pastor put it, "it is agony and ecstasy."
And, yes, there is nothing small about our God. His math is just so much different from ours. He tells us that if we want to hold on we have to let go. If you want to get you have got to give. If you want to be great, be a servant.
In the economy and economics of the Lord, there are really no "small churches." Small numbers, maybe so but small churches, no can do. Why? Becuase, as you said, God is so big. And since it is His church, well, you get the picture!
God is using you in such a great and marvelous way and I encourage you to keep on allwoing Him to lead you, guide you and direct you.
"Due season" will come as God directs and navigates. Jesus is our inspiration. He could have chosen thousands but instead he chose a "small" band of men and the bible itself declares that they "turned the world upside down." Big numbers,no! Abundant resources, no! Overwhelming support from the people at large, no! But they turned the whole world upside down.
So, my brother,press on,pray on and preach on!
As your father twice and one who has been in the pastoral ministry for over twenty-two years now I khow first hand how tuff the journey can often be. But I also know how the joy and blessing of being a servant of God.
God bless you and your ministry.
By the tie of Calvary.
Pastor W.L. Pullam
Pastor Pullam, great post. Love it!
Brother work on blossoming where you are!
Preach the Word and live by Luke 16:10.
Be encouraged,
Tony
I took issue with your comment "I am a failure at Ministry. Because it is hard to think of your son as a failure at anything. But as I read further and grasped the understanding of what you were saying, I felt great pride as a Mother of a God sent Man. You possess insight and spirituality to know that with God you can do all things. To see beyond the small and anticipate the great things God will do. To also know that small is not a bad thing. Because God is doing marvelous things with you and the congregation.
In fear of being repetitious I will simply DITTO what Dee and Pastor W.L. Pullam has said. I have known since your birth that you were destined for great accomplishments. As hard as it may be at times, remember No pain, No gain. It wasn't easy for (Pastor) Jesus and it certainly won't be an easy road He has before you. But there is great joy in what you do. A satisfaction in knowing you are in the will of God.
Keep pressing toward the mark of a higher calling in Christ Jesus. I will continue to pray for you as I have done for 29 years (plus 9 months before you were born).
I Love You!!!
Pastor Pullam thank you for being so transparent and courageous to share what so many of us would dare not say aloud but wrestle with internally. I once read that every pastor contemplates retirement every Monday. Before I became a pastor myself I couldn't connect with such a peculiar comment. But once I started pastoring it all became too clear to me. No one understands the pastor's heart and call but another pastor. I hear your heart for God and ministry in your blog and I find it encouraging and inspiring. My prayer for you is that you never lose that. Nothing brings us more joy than leading God's people but in turn, no one causes more pain that God's people. And so we carry both the burden and blessing of pastoring. I believe your perspective on size and significance is mature and healthy. If we arn't careful, we can allow our numbers to dictate the significance of our ministries. I believe that we sometimes hold ourselves accountable to the wrong standards.
Thanks again for sharing and keep doing what you're doing. I look forward to your next blog.
Howard Earle
you have encouraged me,as a christian layperson, mother.grandmother,greatgrandmotherI am blessed to have been invited to view your blog,you reminded me of nehemiah (6chapter;3rd v) I love you and feelso blessed to have shared time in your worship service JUST LOVE IT!!
MEMAW
God Bless you for your comments--it means much. I pray that the Lord will richly bless all of us as He continues to bring out the best in every one of our 'growth walks'. Please continue to come back and provide your input; you are helping me to 'stir up the gift'.
Good words.
Great read! I want to see a follow up on this topic!!
Hugh
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